I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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