my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't special order awesome
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
