He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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