I think I won the penis lottery.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
