A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
