At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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