I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
