Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
