Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize