Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
