She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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