i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
