I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize