I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
