Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
