i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
