i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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