So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
