Will you blow on my dice?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
