I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize