I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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