So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
