It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
