i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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