matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
