ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
