Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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