Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
