I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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