btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
