just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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