This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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