My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
