yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
