oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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