i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
