is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
