I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
sarcasm needs its own font
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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