Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
