It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
