i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
