Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize