coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
As shirtless as possible
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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