While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
