look no pants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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