just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
