Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
