smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
