Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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