Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
