Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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