Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
