You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
