I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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