Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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