i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
