I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
