farters have to be the big spoon...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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