I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
