Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
