Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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