my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love having hate sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize