In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
