I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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