puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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