I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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