ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
