I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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