I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
