He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
