pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize