It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
