U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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