those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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