We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
