So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
