was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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