to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
