i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
