i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
