my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
