i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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