he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize