Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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