Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
