It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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