My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
