Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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