Porn is love you can see.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
