I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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