i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
