Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
