i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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