Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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