do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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