I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
