So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
